It would appear as though you have stumbled upon the magical homepage of Cinemageddon, home of the finest (ahem) rare, obscure and of course trashy horror, martial arts, gore, exploitation and action flicks. Disencumber your weary body of the travails of your long journey across the seven seas of the Internets, find a nice leather chair and prepare to watch your childhood heroes in C-grade porn featuring something illegal in the USA.

Registration is as quick, painless, and unintrusive as we could make it, and we even dropped the totally essential phase with the rectal thermometer. If torrents aren't enough to entice you, we also have a wide selection of words available to read in the forums, some of which were written by people with up to seven posts on Slashdot rated as "Insightful".

After you have signed up, please send a blank cheque to Admiral Phineas Q. Brannon, c/o Sunrise Offshore Holding Corp., Cayman Islands. Within four score days you shall receive a small Indonesian child with your password emblazoned upon his chest, and you may proceed with downloading ET porn. The child may be returned for a rebate, or you may keep him as he is a trained toast chef and will feed himself on his own leg hairs.